Take the high road!

We know disagreements are inevitable, but when they occur, we are often offended that our opinion isn’t accepted. Think of the last time you had a difference of opinion with a colleague, family member, or friend. Usually, there is a lot of emotion and, before the conversation ends, both parties to the disagreement want to feel vindicated—that he or she, by force of argument, has been proven right, the other person proven wrong.

Why is it so important to us that one be right, the other wrong? Why is it either/or? Is it possible that neither is right—or wrong—and we just see things differently? Usually, in the heat of the moment we are unable to be this reflective, because our emotional selves have pushed our intellectual selves into the back seat.

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A wise friend of mine once told me to always take the high road, which doesn’t mean you’re admitting to being wrong, but rather you are taking the initiative in choosing to agree to disagree. Now, I know what you are thinking: What if they are truly wrong? Well, they may or may not be, but until the other person has a sudden burst of insight, it is a waste of energy to continue the debate.

Being reflective in the heat of the moment is difficult, perhaps even impossible. So, after you have shared your point of view, and the recipient wants to continue rehashing or debating, simply take the high road by saying, “We can agree on at least one thing—we both have different perspectives, so let me reflect on yours."

I am not suggesting that this will resolve all difficult discourse, but I know one thing for sure, taking the high road will change the subject. Give it a try.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International. Comments are moderated. Those that promote products or services will not be posted.

We debated; now what?

I recently completed jury duty for a three-month trial, during which I witnessed a complexity of human interaction that will stay with me for years to come. Like most of the jurors, I prayed I would not be picked but, to my surprise, I was selected. I came to embrace the experience because it reaffirmed for me that, no matter how passionate we feel about our perceptions, others can listen to the same information and come to completely different conclusions. It may sound simplistic, but it is this reality that causes an impasse in our everyday discourse.

The experience reminded me of how often we find ourselves at odds with others who see or perceive the world differently from us—and how challenging this can be when we are certain about the veracity of our perceptions, their accordance with truth.

During our deliberations, we conceptually mapped out the evidence, yet our interpretations differed, which created passionate debates. This process illuminated to me how important it is for us not to interpret another's disagreement as some referendum on our intellectual ability. Like most of the jurors, I found it extremely challenging to remain neutral as we navigated through the morass of evidence. However, I found new strength in learning to really listen without prejudice and to bracket others' opinions without personalizing them.


As we interact with our colleagues, friends, or family, it is more important to listen to them than to be so focused on being “right.” Like jurors, we may come to the same conclusion, or we may not. The important thing for us to remember is, we can all hear the same information and come to different interpretations. And if we do, it is best to be at peace with our differences rather than allow them to divide us. The experience provided me insight into creating a pathway to walk away in peace after healthy debate has occurred. I plan to practice this every day, and hope you do, too!

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.