Take the high road!

We know disagreements are inevitable, but when they occur, we are often offended that our opinion isn’t accepted. Think of the last time you had a difference of opinion with a colleague, family member, or friend. Usually, there is a lot of emotion and, before the conversation ends, both parties to the disagreement want to feel vindicated—that he or she, by force of argument, has been proven right, the other person proven wrong.

Why is it so important to us that one be right, the other wrong? Why is it either/or? Is it possible that neither is right—or wrong—and we just see things differently? Usually, in the heat of the moment we are unable to be this reflective, because our emotional selves have pushed our intellectual selves into the back seat.

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A wise friend of mine once told me to always take the high road, which doesn’t mean you’re admitting to being wrong, but rather you are taking the initiative in choosing to agree to disagree. Now, I know what you are thinking: What if they are truly wrong? Well, they may or may not be, but until the other person has a sudden burst of insight, it is a waste of energy to continue the debate.

Being reflective in the heat of the moment is difficult, perhaps even impossible. So, after you have shared your point of view, and the recipient wants to continue rehashing or debating, simply take the high road by saying, “We can agree on at least one thing—we both have different perspectives, so let me reflect on yours."

I am not suggesting that this will resolve all difficult discourse, but I know one thing for sure, taking the high road will change the subject. Give it a try.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International. Comments are moderated. Those that promote products or services will not be posted.

We debated; now what?

I recently completed jury duty for a three-month trial, during which I witnessed a complexity of human interaction that will stay with me for years to come. Like most of the jurors, I prayed I would not be picked but, to my surprise, I was selected. I came to embrace the experience because it reaffirmed for me that, no matter how passionate we feel about our perceptions, others can listen to the same information and come to completely different conclusions. It may sound simplistic, but it is this reality that causes an impasse in our everyday discourse.

The experience reminded me of how often we find ourselves at odds with others who see or perceive the world differently from us—and how challenging this can be when we are certain about the veracity of our perceptions, their accordance with truth.

During our deliberations, we conceptually mapped out the evidence, yet our interpretations differed, which created passionate debates. This process illuminated to me how important it is for us not to interpret another's disagreement as some referendum on our intellectual ability. Like most of the jurors, I found it extremely challenging to remain neutral as we navigated through the morass of evidence. However, I found new strength in learning to really listen without prejudice and to bracket others' opinions without personalizing them.


As we interact with our colleagues, friends, or family, it is more important to listen to them than to be so focused on being “right.” Like jurors, we may come to the same conclusion, or we may not. The important thing for us to remember is, we can all hear the same information and come to different interpretations. And if we do, it is best to be at peace with our differences rather than allow them to divide us. The experience provided me insight into creating a pathway to walk away in peace after healthy debate has occurred. I plan to practice this every day, and hope you do, too!

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.

For men in nursing

This past year, I had the wonderful opportunity to collaborate with the book-publishing editorial team at the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International (STTI) and male nurse leaders across the country to produce my just-released book, Man Up! A Practical Guide for Men in Nursing. When STTI approached me last year to oversee this work, I was thrilled, because it meant I would have the chance to collaborate with fabulous male nurse leaders nationwide.

A must-read for anyone seeking to navigate the exciting maze of the nursing profession, we tackle issues in this book that range from choosing a specialty to implementing diversity and administrative leadership—in both academic and service settings—and provide step-by-step strategies for maximizing the endless opportunities our noble profession has to offer. Each chapter will inspire you and your colleagues to break unhealthy traditions to forge new pathways that benefit nurses, here and abroad.

I dedicated this book to my grandmother, who exemplified courage and leadership, and if she were living today, she would be proud of this accomplishment. As my grandmother inspired me, I hope my book will inspire men to consider leadership in both academic and service settings, as well as in national nursing organizations where, still to date, we are poorly represented. Choosing a career in nursing opened doors for me, but even after gaining entrance, I observed institutional “glass ceilings” that benefit a few, but not the many. I hope this book will keep the issue of equity for men in nursing “front page news.”

I am so proud to have led this extraordinary effort, and I encourage you to spread the word about Man Up! A Practical Guide for Men in Nursing—to students, clinicians, administrators, academicians and your families.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.

Sometimes, we just need to chill!

Do you find yourself spinning sometimes on that never-ending spinning wheel? I’m guessing your answer is yes. Every one of us, whether we work in academia or the clinical arena, finds ourselves often simply overwhelmed by work overload. The demands of our profession exceed our capacity to manage work-related stressors. It is amazing how many of us fail to realize the high cost of not taking care of ourselves and, conversely, that the investment we make in our mental and physical health yields rich dividends.

The recent loss of a colleague reminded me just how important it is for us to invest in our mental and physical health. We are no good to anyone if we cannot take care of ourselves. It is incumbent upon us to refresh ourselves through activities that rejuvenate our inner spirit. Sometimes, we just need to chill!

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.

Your day will come!

Have you ever found yourself getting discouraged because you work hard, just want to be recognized for what you do, and it’s not happening? Well, you are not alone. Having come from a large family, I learned early on about the challenges of distinguishing oneself as a game changer when surrounded by sheer talent. I was fortunate to have a smart mother who taught me not to use others as my yardstick, but to challenge myself to go beyond what I am asked to do.

The other day, a colleague and long-time friend was lamenting to me about never getting that award and, despite submitting numerous grant applications, just not being able to attract the attention of the National Institutes of Health. That conversation inspired me to blog about this subject, because I am acquainted with those feelings.

I know the easy road is to disparage oneself, but I will not go there because I believe everyone eventually does receive his or her just reward. The important thing to remember is that acclaim may not come the way we forecasted—in the form of awards or national recognition—but, if we stay on course, we will reap the fruit of our labor.

My mother used to tell me that the universe has a way of steering us toward our destiny, as long as we believe in our purpose. The other lesson I learned from her is to stop limiting myself to departmental awards, or other typical forms of recognition, but instead, to open myself up to infinite possibilities. It is those words of my mother that keep me going and believing that, although the sun seems to shine more quickly on others, hard work will eventually pay dividends. They may not come in the form we anticipate, but they will manifest in ways that exceed even our expectations!

From Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.

Pass the torch!

I am constantly amazed at the opportunities I have to mentor another male into considering nursing. I take great pleasure in sharing with others how choosing a career in nursing was one of the best decisions I made as a young person.

One day, as I sat in my office, a young man happened by and stopped to ask if he could speak to me about men in nursing. You don’t need to guess what I did. I motioned him inside my office and sat him down. His face beamed as I shared stories about my days as a student, as well interesting clinical cases I had encountered throughout my career. I was thrilled by the numerous questions he posed. I could feel his passion for making a difference, and I thought to myself, “Yes, this young man will make a fantastic nurse.” As he left, I knew our chance encounter was just that, because I had not planned on being in the office that day.

As I reflect, I am glad I was there and, more importantly, that I had the opportunity to meet this wonderful young man, who is clearly on his way to becoming a nurse. You know, so often we get busy and do not take the time to talk to prospective students, or we are simply too overwhelmed by all that is expected of us and unintentionally make ourselves unavailable.

I remember learning from a wise professor a long time ago to always leave my door open, both literally and figuratively, because we never know who may come knocking. Looking back, I say my professor was right. After all, it was a chance encounter that influenced me to choose nursing. The individual was an ER nurse who told me to “hold to my dream,” that I would end up doing what I was meant to do. All I can say is, I will continue passing the torch, and I think you should do the same.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published for the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.

Focus on your legacy, not the footnotes!

Have you ever wondered why mentors or colleagues betray you or do things they know are detrimental to your career? Ever since I can remember, I have pondered this phenomenon. I recall expending a lot of energy trying to understand their motives—in other words, the “why" question. It took me a long time to make peace with the fact that, no matter how much you revere a nurse or how kind a colleague is to your face, he or she can betray you in a second in the worst way.

Like you, I have heard countless stories of how malicious gossip, spread by those with an appetite for cynicism, has damaged a nurse’s reputation The lesson I had to learn was to separate the person’s actions from the noble profession of nursing.

When I decided to become a nurse, it was more than a career decision. It was a choice motivated, in part, by an internal sense that my call to nursing was to heal and help others live a life of quality and, more importantly, integrity. I have been privileged during my life’s journey to know inspiring individuals who happen to be nurses. They are people I can trust and turn to for advice and wise counsel. Unfortunately, as with some of you, I have also experienced betrayal and often wondered how we advance our profession by hurting other nurses.

Well, through the years, I have ceased asking myself that question and, instead, decided to focus on the legacy I want to leave. In trying to fix nurses who engage in destructive behaviors, we eventually lose our selves and our purpose.

So, here is my advice. No matter how tempting it is to seek revenge, don’t. Instead, focus on what brought you to nursing, and resolve to be a healing rather than a destructive force. Smile, because when your life journey ends, you will be remembered for the investment you made in improving people’s lives. More importantly, the legacy of your nursing career will outlive any negative footnotes created about you by those who have sadly lost sight of the core values of our noble profession.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.